The most cringe-worthy Christmas cracker jokes have been selected in a poll of Brits.
The most grown-inducing cracker joke ever, according to the survey, is: “Who hides in a bakery at Christmas? A mince spy!”
That cringeworthy offering is followed by: “What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? A Christmas cracker!”.
Another top rib-tickler from the survey is: “What is a horse’s favourite TV show? NEIGH-bours!”
Despite the quality of gags, most Brits remain enthusiastic about the pull of Christmas crackers and 75% say they enjoy reading out the jokes at the Christmas dinner table.
The research was carried out by Currys PC World to find the country’s worst Christmas cracker jokes.
‘A traditional Christmas cracker gag’
Comedian Gary Delaney said: “Everyone knows that a traditional Christmas cracker gag is weaker than your Nan’s Wi-Fi password and I’ve been pulled in to help change that. I am hoping my joke upgrades will have Brits cracking up around the country on Christmas Day.”
Researchers also found that one in three Brits say that a Christmas cracker is one of the festive traditions they secretly love along with Christmas music and carols and cheesy Christmas jumpers.
More than two in three of us say that crackers will be part of the normal Christmas Day for them.
However, eight in 10 families say they only pull Christmas crackers because they are in keeping with festive traditions.
Brits say they feel disappointed by cracker jokes
And around six in 10 Brits say they feel disappointed by their cracker joke with half of these people saying ‘there’s room for improvement’.
And, in true British style, one in five of us say we only laugh when we hear a Christmas cracker gag ‘out of politeness’.
On average, we will pull four crackers this Christmas and one in five of us will enjoy the free gift that’s inside.
The most popular Christmas cracker gift is a mini torch, followed by a set of small screwdrivers.
Other popular gifts include puzzles, bottle openers and a flipping frog toy.
Around two in three say they keep their Christmas cracker gift because they believe it ‘may come in useful one day’.
The 50 most groan-inducing cracker jokes
So, according to researchers, these are the 50 most groan-inducing cracker jokes ever – just remember they are part of the UK’s Christmas traditions!
- Who hides in a bakery at Christmas? A mince spy
- What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? A Christmas quacker
- What’s a horse’s favourite TV show? Neigh-bours
- What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick
- Why do birds fly south in the winter? It’s too far to walk
- What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsillitis
- What did Cinderella say when her photos didn’t arrive? “One day my prints will come!”
- Did Rudolph go to school? No, he was elf-taught
- What lies at the bottom of the sea shivering? A nervous wreck
- Who is Santa’s favourite singer? Elfis Presley
- What did Adam say the day before Christmas? It’s Christmas, Eve.
- How many letters are in the alphabet at Christmas? 25 – there’s no-el
- Why are Christmas trees so bad at knitting? Because they always drop their needles
- What did the farmer get for Christmas? A cowculator
- Why did nobody bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? They were two deer
- What did one snowman say to the other snowman? “Can you smell carrots?”
- Why can’t a bike stand up by itself? It’s two-tyred
- What school subject are snakes best at? Hisssstory
- What do you get if you lie under a cow? A pat on the head
- How did Mary and Joseph figure out baby Jesus was exactly 7lb 9oz? They had a weigh in a manger
- Which side of a turkey has the most feathers? The outside
- What carol do they sing in the desert? O Camel Ye Faithful
- What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? Time to get a new fence
- What do you sing a snowman’s birthday party? Freeze a jolly good fellow
- What happened to Santa when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker
- Who’s Rudolph’s favourite singer? Beyon-sleigh
- Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas? Santa Jaws
- What athlete is warmest in winter? A long jumper
- What’s the most popular Christmas wine? “I don’t like sprouts!”
- What does a frog do if his car breaks down? He has it toad
- Why does your nose get tired in winter? It runs all day
- What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite
- What do you call a line of men waiting for a haircut? A barber-queue
- What kind of music do elves listen to? Wrap
- What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride? A Holly Davidson
- Why was the turkey in a band? He was the only one with drumsticks
- What do reindeer put on their Christmas trees? Hornaments
- What happened to the man who stole an advent calendar? He got 25 days
- What does Santa do when his elves misbehave? He gives them the sack
- What happened when Santa got stuck in a chimney? He felt Claus-trophobic
- What has four wheels and flies? A bin lorry
- How do snowmen get around? By riding an icicle
- How did Scrooge win the football match? The ghost of Christmas passed
- Why is it getting so hard to buy advent calendars? Their days are numbered
- Why was Cinderella no good at football? Because her coach was a pumpkin
- How does Darth Vader like his Christmas turkey? On the dark side
- What do snowmen wear on their heads? Ice caps
- When do vampires like horse racing? When it’s neck and neck
- How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he’s visited? He keeps a logbook
- What does a football team do when the pitch is flooded? Bring on the subs.